we are 1

"Backed up on the freeway, backed up in the church,
Ev'rywhere you look there's a frown, frown." - creedance clearwater revival

its weird to think how every human being has their own mind. every single mind working in similar ways to our own. its easy to get engrossed in our own emotions and we forget we are just like everyone else. we think that its only us thinking and its our life, but everyone else is doing the same. if you look at yourself while your not doing anything you will see the kind of person who you see every day on the bus and think is a generally irrelevant person - some people glance at you and don't even acknowledge your existence, but you do exist. to you, you are having the fullest existence and exist most vividly, but to them your an obstacle in their vision for a second.....and then your not even that. fuck me this is gayly deep. assuming there are 6 000 000 000 people on the planet, we are hundred per cent insignificant to about 5 999 999 930 and like 90% insignificant to about 5 999 999 995 people. the only person we are totally significant to is ourselves. that is strange to think, but only one out of 6billion people is fully significant to us. wow. but thats also cool, because it proves to us that we are ourselves the only people who we can completely trust and believe.

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this is too much, lighter blogs to come, for my sanity

march 3rd

something is going to happen on the 3rd of march. i have no idea what. i feel like a pretentious psychic, but something is actually going to happen on the 3rd of march.




we shall see

i am such an idiot

"you've got that pure feel, such good responses, but the picture has a moustache" - Cream

I am such an idiot. why is it that when i look back on something it seems so fucking obvious that i shouldn't have done/said something. so fucking obvious. and yet it happens anyway. I'm quite clever (...) but for some reason clear things don't come to me (im talking social). SO OBVIOUS. its unbelievable. I'm such a fool. Want to apologise but i'm worried it'll make it worse. ha.

i can only say that i'm just not the person to come to in serious situations, or when people need actual help. its a horrible thing to admit, but i just can't seem to do or say the right things. whenever i do try i either am totally insensitive or make myself seem totally insensitive. whatever it is i don't seem to help. but yea, i'm not a supporter at all. i think i'm only any use in the good times. i guess i'll just be the guy who can make people laugh when their happy. which is alright. but with that i think when they are not happy i force them to smile, out of politeness. and i think i've helped, but all i've done is (WARNING: DIRTILY CHEESY DEEPNESS)brought a rose to the cheeks whilst the rose inside them dies. so yes, overall its quite a sad realisation, but it means i can play to my strengths. its great to think we are good at comforting and we help people feel better, but i can't, not when people are very sad.

but, and there is a but, if everyone was brilliant at supporting and there was no one else that would just be shit. which is why people can go to others when they need help and look at me when they feel like it. its just nice to think that you help people through tough situations. but i'm not, so whatever. :D

allls good

do you think he smells of corn?

"this guy stops me, he'd just got in from new zealand, and he was looking for mushy peas. i said, no, we haven't really got them around here" -Strummer and the Mescalaros

wow skiing was too many jokes
i think i might have split a side
nonetheless was goooooooooooooooooooooood
must have pissed off most of the resort: mission accomplished

dancing
cockney
loud
world cup
CORN
problem?
scotland
scottish
pigboy, piggy
ROONEY

that list is memorious, because that should be a word that exists

but yes, anything could have happened when you have been away with no contact from the place you live, where all the people you know are. there is a chance that you will come back innocently and end up finding out your life has been ripped apart. and this is depressing, but imagine if a friend died. that would be the worst thing. especially the guilt, if you know that you have been having loads of fun whildt your friend is dead what would that do to you. rip you apart. no question. well it would me. or if you came back and the house had burnt down and you had to live somewhere else. or if your school headteacher has been assassinated because he was actually in the mafia and he had double crossed his mafia boss by siding with the other side and then got caught for tax evasion and both sides of the mafia thought he would grass them up to get out of it so one of them assasinated him but no one knows who.

luckily none of this happened to me. and so i continue a normal child who has had a super protected life where nothing has gone badly wrong. AWESOME.

i want to be in the mafia. so badly. thats one thing i'd trade my life for. No joke. :|

do you think he smells of corn?

leaving

"And all that you slight , And everyone you fight ,And all that is now , And all that is gone , And all that's to come, And everything under the sun is in tune, But the sun is eclipsed by the moon" - pink floyd

when you leave somewhere (for somewhere relatively far) it is blown way out of proportion in my head just because i am leaving. for example, i am quite sad that i am leaving the country for a week and won't see most of my friends in this time. But to be honest, its only a week. a lot of people i dont see in a week anyway, but for some reason it is still sad. weird how the brain does that. its like if i was going to stay at a hotel in london for a week in a hotel or something and i knew i wasn't going to see people it wouldn't bother me as much. AND EVEN NOW I'M OVERDOING THINGS IN THIS. I'M NOT EVEN THAT SAD BOUT GOING. WTF. i'm acting as if i'm having emotional breakdown because i'm leaving for a week, and as if i have actual problems. This is what blogs do. makes you write aboout things as problematic when their not. thats whats great about them i think. its great that they do that, spices life up a little. ok i've gone off track, a bit like holden caulfield. What a G. my man!!

"Goodbye to the century, Farewell to amnesty,Christen the sons and daughter, Let it lie, Let it bleed" - comets on fire

i had managed to convince myself i wanted to be a lawyer. where did i get this idea from? NOWHERE! the only thing i know about law and lawyers is what i see on TV, which is totally misguided ans/or glamourised (and isnt even lawyershipness!!). oh, and that it pays well. the pay i couldnt give a shit about, because bein rich has few uses, especially because i dont spend much. and also i'd end up feeling guilty for being rich.
in conclusion, theres no reason for me to be a lawyer. Back to square 1 then. i have no idea what to grow up to be. thats cool. a lawyer is a boring thing to say you want to be when your older, the only reaction is 'oh...'
how about:
-Elephant/Ostrich racer
-the second messiah
-God
-hole puncher of all things great and small
-paradise island caretaker
-stadium announcer (and do different accents every time)
-ferret trainer

tuesdays?

"my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be" - the who

every tuesday i get stressed. every other day is fine. why? probably just dont like tuesdays. how sad. i used to like tuesdays.
good old tuesdays.