i am such an idiot

"you've got that pure feel, such good responses, but the picture has a moustache" - Cream

I am such an idiot. why is it that when i look back on something it seems so fucking obvious that i shouldn't have done/said something. so fucking obvious. and yet it happens anyway. I'm quite clever (...) but for some reason clear things don't come to me (im talking social). SO OBVIOUS. its unbelievable. I'm such a fool. Want to apologise but i'm worried it'll make it worse. ha.

i can only say that i'm just not the person to come to in serious situations, or when people need actual help. its a horrible thing to admit, but i just can't seem to do or say the right things. whenever i do try i either am totally insensitive or make myself seem totally insensitive. whatever it is i don't seem to help. but yea, i'm not a supporter at all. i think i'm only any use in the good times. i guess i'll just be the guy who can make people laugh when their happy. which is alright. but with that i think when they are not happy i force them to smile, out of politeness. and i think i've helped, but all i've done is (WARNING: DIRTILY CHEESY DEEPNESS)brought a rose to the cheeks whilst the rose inside them dies. so yes, overall its quite a sad realisation, but it means i can play to my strengths. its great to think we are good at comforting and we help people feel better, but i can't, not when people are very sad.

but, and there is a but, if everyone was brilliant at supporting and there was no one else that would just be shit. which is why people can go to others when they need help and look at me when they feel like it. its just nice to think that you help people through tough situations. but i'm not, so whatever. :D

allls good